Nerding Out Part Two: The Globe Theatre

So another box was checked on them, Kyle Weiss Checklist of Life Accomplishments yesterday. My yesterday’s journeys can be thoroughly creeped on, here:

But the best part warranted its own web page.

On a whim I decided to skip the Churchill Museum and locate the Globe Theatre! Ended up doing a full tour and staying for like two hours. I certify myself as a Shakespeare nerd given that I have taken two lit classes based on the dude, and that I wrote one of my college admissions essays comparing Will to Marshall Mathers (Eminem or Slim Shady or That White Rapper Who Cusses a lot). So yes, I was pumped for this.

Such a boss
Such a boss

Built in 1599, the original theatre burned down in 1613. The theater used cannons to make sound effects, and to the surprise of everyone, the thatch roof and wood theater caught fire during one such cannon sequence. The theater was quickly rebuilt with William Shakespeare as one of the primary owners.

She's Glorious
She’s Glorious

The Globe is located across the Thames from what, at the time, was considered all of Elizabethan London. While you could be decapitated just for wearing the wrong color clothing in the city, pretty much anything goes across the water. Brothels, bear baiting, and profanity laced plays, were the norm.

Ha. Ha ha ha ha. Mine
Ha. Ha ha ha ha. Mine

People paid one pence (one cent) to stand in the open area in front of the stage. Big Will coined the word groundlings for these people. It often caught so hot and crowded that groundlings skin stuck together and they would have to be ripped apart after a show. Casual fact: The groundlings had buckets that were used by men and women during the middle of the show. So smart.

The current theater was rebuilt and completed recently after one of our fellow Muricans basically spent his whole life trying to make it happen. Some of the details like the actually exterior are built in perfect replica. The same construction techniques and materials from back in Shakey’s days were used in the rebuilding.

I want one.
I want one.

I got to try on Elizabethan clothing, and have a jolly time exploring the theatre.

You can actually still go see shows and only pay 5 Pounds for a standing seat. Next time I am in Europe they better have shows running.

That is all for now. Lisbon time.


Now, I present a collection of Shakespeare’s insults for your enjoyment:

Shakespeare Insult 1 – The Two Gentlemen of Verona

Thou subtle, perjur’d, false, disloyal man!

Shakespeare Insult 2 – As You Like It

Thou art like a toad; ugly and venemous.

Shakespeare Insult 3 – The Tempest

Thine forward voice, now, is to speak well of thine friend; thine backward voice is to utter foul speeches and to detract.

Shakespeare Insult 4 – Measure For Measure

Thou art a flesh-monger, a fool and a coward.

Shakespeare Insult 5 – All’s Well That Ends Well

A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

Shakespeare Insult 6 – Cymbeline

Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms of Nile.

Shakespeare Insult 7 – Henry IV Part 2

You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!

Shakespeare Insult 8 – All’s Well That Ends Well

Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

Shakespeare Insult 9 – The Winter’s Tale

My wife’s a hobby horse!

Shakespeare Insult 10 – Troilus and Cressida

Thou art as loathsome as a toad.

Shakespeare Insult 11 – Macbeth

Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver’d boy.

Shakespeare Insult 12 – Henry IV Part 1

Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!

Shakespeare Insult 13 – Henry IV Part 1

That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?

Shakespeare Insult 14 – Henry IV Part 1

You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish–O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!

Shakespeare Insult 15 – Henry IV Part 1

Peace, ye fat guts!

Shakespeare Insult 16 – Henry V

There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.

Shakespeare Insult 17 – Richard III

Thou poisonous bunch-back’d toad!

Shakespeare Insult 18 – Richard III

Thou art unfit for any place but hell.

Shakespeare Insult 19 – Hamlet

Thou are pigeon-liver’d and lack gall.

Shakespeare Insult 20 – All’s Well That Ends Well

Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.

Shakespeare Insult 21 – Henry V

Thine face is not worth sunburning.

Shakespeare Insult 22 – As You Like It

Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.

Shakespeare Insult 23 – Henry IV Part 1

You are as a candle, the better burnt out.

Shakespeare Insult 24 – Hamlet

If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.

Shakespeare Insult 25 – Measure For Measure

Thy sin’s not accidental, but a trade.

Shakespeare Insult 26 – All’s Well That Ends Well

A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

Shakespeare Insult 27 – All’s Well That Ends Well

Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

Shakespeare Insult 28 – The Taming Of The Shrew

Come, come, you froward and unable worms!

Shakespeare Insult 29 – Macbeth

Thou cream faced loon

Shakespeare Insult 30 – Henry IV Part 1

Thou art as fat as butter


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